Unspoken Unspoken

Touya and Yuki's relationship is one case where what is not said out loud is just as important as what is, if not more so. Whatever you read into it, the weight of what is left unspoken charges their scenes with sheer electricity. And it can also be damn confusing. Enough to give one migraines, actually.

Here's the thing, it's not really clear whether all these omissions are signs of unresolved sexual tension, or merely of secrecy on the part of the boys.

As I wrote in body language, I believe that the interaction between those two can only point to both emotional and physical intimacy. Seriously, how many seventeen year old boys do you know who actually pick up the spoon and feed pancakes to their "best friend"? While lying in bed? (All right, so technically, only Touya was in bed... and your point is?). More importantly, how many seventeen year old boys would grin and just open wide, as if these were normal behavior between platonic male best friends?

And so, off we go, absolutely positive that Yuki isn't sleeping on a spare matress when he sleeps over before a test. Until the strawberry episode rolls around, and we're left **HOEEEE?**ing so much we could put Sakura to shame. There's plenty of Touya/Yuki chemestry in the rest of the episode, particularly when they're having lunch and not discussing Kaho, but the turning point is when they're standing outside, watching the sunset, and Touya tells Yuki he has something to tell him... only to chicken out of it.

And this, of course is only the beginning. Once the second arc of CCS gets underway, this scene is played and replayed, with continually heightening tension. Instead of not getting past the "There's something I want to tell you", Touya gives smoldering looks to Yukito and manges to get out "I... you..." before unerringly being interrupted (by the way, raise your hand if you're sure Touya is channeling Seishirou during these attempted confessions ^.~). Of course, a very real possibility is that Touya is actually trying to tell Yukito that (highlight text for spoiler) he's not actually human, that he's the alternate form of Yue, the angel-like second Guardian of the Clow. That's CLAMP for you, sneaky goddesses that they are: leaving all possibilities open and keeping us in tortured suspense.

Not that I'm complaining. How could I? This situation made possible my favorite scene in all of CCS: Touya finds Yukito fainting or sleeping against a tree, walks up to him, leans really close to him, and proceeds to tell him that he doesn't want him to disappear from his life. There is so much sexual tension in this scene that you can practically cut it with a knife.

And I'm sure that there isn't one single person that watched that scene and wasn't left wondering how it's possible for Yukito to be that clueless.

Well, I think maybe he isn't. I don't think it's that simple. But that's just me. I think that Touya and Yukito had probably reached some level of understanding and intimacy beyond that of mere friends, but I also think that, for many reasons they hadn't explored the true depth of their love. In fact, maybe they'd been reluctant to call it love, at least out loud.

Stop and think about each of their situations for a moment.

I think that for Touya, accepting his feelings for Yukito, and finally letting his own nature break through his barriers and defenses went hand in hand, and that one was dependant on the other. He obviously always had trouble expressing, and even admitting his feelings. The last time he did it, he got his heart stomped on. (You can like Kaho all you want, but the fact remains that she very deliberatelly broke Touya's heart, and that telling him calmly that he'll love someone else by the time they see each other again would not have made one bit of difference to a fifteen year old). This is not exactly a boy who is ready to open his heart to someone new. And then there is the fact that the person who ended up sneaking into his heart was none other than his best friend... his best male friend. So on top of his own reluctance towards closeness of any sort, now Touya had to deal with what can only be called a crisis of his sexual identity. He's sixteen when all this begins, give the boy a break. And even when he can accept that he's attracted to another boy, there is the matter of risking to lose Yuki, his best friend, the one person he can open up to, by telling him that he wants him.

Which brings us to Yuki. Perpetually smiling, shy, almost childishly innocent, Yuki. How could Touya not be afraid of what confessing his feelings would do to their friendship? How could he ever show Yuki anything but mixed signals, born of his desire and reluctance? And how would someone like Yukito react to said signals?

First of all, there are hints that contradict the idea of Yuki as just a clueless pretty boy. Take how he handles Sakura's confession,and what he tells Touya about it after ward. I think he just acts clueless, both to spare others' feelings, in the case of Sakura and Shaolin, and to spare his own heart, in the case of his own love for Touya. From the beginning, it's clear, if not exactly obvious, that he cares deeply for Touya. And Yuki also sort of knows about Kaho and Touya, he doesn't know the whole story, but he obviously suspects, from the way he casually asks Touya and then very gently asks if he shouldn't be asking about it. And Touya doesn't tell him. Not only that, when Kaho returns to Tomoeda, Touya obviously still has unresolved feelings towards her. This could only serve to make Yukito even more unsure about whether Touya felt the same way about him. And then, once Kaho is out of the scene, along comes Nakuru. Here is this pretty, outgoing "girl" not wasting a single moment in moving in on his Touya, and being nasty to Yuki himself along the way. What does it matter if Touya doesn't return her interest? She's very insistent and very determined, a fact which Yuki is surely aware of. I think it would be impossible for him to be unfazed by the whole situation.

Even without ex-girlfriends and new prospects between him and Touya, I think he'd be just as afraid as Touya to voice his own feelings, for very similar reasons. And so, their ultimate feelings remained unspoken, but always on the verge of breaking through, even while their hearts and bodies yearned for something more.